Midnight Attack on the CNN Headquarters

CNN Atlanta Headquarters

While relaxing in my room after a long day of writing articles about world affairs, I was interrupted by a knock to my hotel room door.  I opened it a crack, not expecting visitors so close to the midnight.  A man stood before me, average in height with a pair of modern looking glasses.  He told me to gather my things, a crisis is occurring.  Surprised, shocked, and somewhat delirious due to lack of sleep, I stumbled around my room, gathering what I thought I needed on my campaign for truth:  my notebook, laptop, charger, and cell phone.  I grabbed a coat, some coffee, and headed down to the bus sent to pick up members of the press corps. 

All was silent on arrival, my fellow reporter Larry Queen and I were apprehensive, still in the dark on the situation.  The editor in chief led us to the press room, where we were united with the other members of CNN’s wire staff. 

Due to the unforeseen circumstances of the crisis, only eight of us were in attendance, including our chiefs of staff.  Reporters Scarlet Flowers and Pam Beasley Halpert sat at their computers quietly, waiting for news on the crisis.  Teddy Lupin had other concerns, namely whether the night would bear a full moon.  Little did he know there would be other concerns on the horizon.  Reporter Ron Bergundy preoccupied himself with jazz flute, his age old coping mechanism. 

Massive devastation in Northern Australia

Suddenly, a staff member burst into the room, carrying a laptop with exclusive information on the impending crisis.  All reporters gathered around the device, hoping for the best yet fearing the worst.  The clip loads.  It plays.  Cannons are loaded.  Fire. Death. 

We stood in stunned silence for a few moments.  How could this happen? 

We needed to find out.  Keyboards click and clack as we divide the tasks at hand.  Lupin and Flowers set out to contact any foreign officials who could provide insight on the task at hand.  Queen managed the CNN twitter account, alerting the world to this crisis, while Bergundy and I prepared an article detailing the potential implications of the ballistic missile strike. 

Developments were slow to come in, but we managed to release an article to the CNN blog.  Seconds after the submission, we learn Fox headquarters received a bomb threat.  Concerned for our news rival, we begin to investigate the surroundings of this threat.  Unfortunately, our investigations were cut short, as we received our own threat moments later.  Masked assailants entered CNN Atlanta Headquarters and overwhelmed our security forces, killing several CNN employees including the chief of security. 

Assailants claimed affiliation to Al-Qaeda

Lockdown procedures were implemented immediately.  The terrorists identified themselves as members of Al-Qaeda, and demanded we meet the following demands:

         1.  All CNN wire staff members are replaced with those sympathetic to the Jihadist cause.

         2.  All Jewish members of the CNN wire staff are fired.

         3.  All female members of the CNN wire staff are forced to wear the hijab.

         4.  All Zionist propaganda is removed from the CNN website.

If we did not meet the demands within the hour, the terrorists would detonate the bombs set on the premises.  If we complied, the good name of CNN would be tarnished, potentially destroying our news network.  The terrorists imposed a blackout on our systems, cutting out all communications available to us except one computer with access to our blog.

We were conflicted.  Our lives were at risk, but how could we betray our principles as journalists? 

Larry Queen put forth excellent points on how we could run a retraction the following day, or just stall for more time, but we knew we could not delay the inevitable.  As reporters, we would not betray our morals.  Even if it meant sacrificing our live, we would give anything to show at least someone stands for integrity in a world consumed by chaos, war and violence.

The Pen is Mightier than the Sword.

We took it to a vote.  One wished to follow through with the terrorist demands, and five stood against.  Our decision was made, now all we could do is hope the SWAT team arrived in time to diffuse the bombs.

Then, the unthinkable happened.  Someone in the CNN staff posted an article claiming we decided to comply with the terrorist demands.  With help from Huffington Post, we learned our security system has a major security flaw.  Working fast, we revamped our security, adding firewalls, changing passwords, and doing anything we could to slow down the efforts of a hacker from behind the locked doors of the CNN news room. 

A few retractions, corrections, and deletions later, our websites returned to normal.  Unfortunately, our team was not quite fast enough to find the traitor, and the false news spread like wildfire.  Even the United States government expressed their disappointment, telling us "The U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists."

While the wire staff was in the midst of repairing our image, our CNN chief of staff received information regarding the real culprit behind the dual attacks on CNN and Fox News.  The mole within our headquarters revealed themselves to U.S. officials in exchange for amnesty and anonymity.

According to American Intel, business tycoon Rupert Murdoch was disgruntled by the CNN's defaming articles from the prior day and attempted to destroy CNN's reputation through an elaborate scheme.  By threatening both CNN and Fox News, Murdoch drew attention away from himself, allowing him to launch an assault on CNN Atlanta headquarters while simultaneously compromising an unknown member of our news team.  

Left: Emperor Palpatine  Right: Rupert Murdoch

Not long after, SWAT arrived and managed to diffuse the bomb.  Finally, nearly three hours past midnight, we left the CNN headquarters, quite relieved to be through this tragic experience. 

Thank God we made it through this experience alive.

-Wolf Plitzer

CNN Forgives

CNN has discovered that there has been a dissenter among us. Rupert Murdoch, fabricator of the terrorist stunt at CNN earlier today, found a weak journalist among us, damaging CNN's reputation. We forgive this writer, who is anonymous, for his moment of weakness. 


In addition, we do not blame FOX for the attack. We understand that they believed the threats directed at them were real, and do not blame them for the mistakes of their parent company.

CNN Official Response to Alqaeda's Demands

As a majority, we agreed not to comply with terrorist demands.  An unknown dissenter among the six of us still in lock down posted a blog post claiming we plan to comply with terrorist demands.  This is not the case, and we have no intention of complying with the terrorist demands as they were forth. 

In response to Huffington Post, we have reinforced our security and only the six remaining CNN wire staff members remain in lock down have the capability to update the blog, eliminating the possibility for any outside sources of posting in our blog.

-CNN Wire Staff

CNN Is...

CNN is... Integrity. Integrity is doing what you know is right and resigning yourself to the consequences. CNN will not take the easy road, the simple road, the safe road. Instead we will take the high road.

Al Queda uses the tools of war, terror, and violence. CNN will use the equally strong weapons of reason and acceptance to stay strong and defend ourselves against the terrorists.

CNN was founded to bring truth to news. So to lie or compromise ourselves or our morals would be an anathema. Our acceptance of Jews and women as equal to Christian men is integral to us. To divide them out would be to break our organization apart.

CNN says: Not going to Happen, Terrorists

CNN is a little too strong to give in to the whims of extremists. After a station vote, CNN has decided to not comply with the demands of our captives, which included firing Jewish writers and forcing female writers to wear Hijabs.


Journalism does not recognize gender or religion, and CNN has decided to report the news, despite the consequences.


We are sorry our captives have made the decisions they have, but to them we say: Shalom; We're sticking to our guns.

APPEAL FOR HELP

SOMEONE PLEASE SOMEONE HELP US! We're locked down in the CNN Atlanta office. We recieved a bomb threat out of nowhere and now our head of security is DEAD. They're in the building. We're so close to being found.


What do they even want? Help us someone. Swat, police, santa, I don't even care just... please...

Bomb Scare at CNN and Fox News Headquarters

Recently, both CNN and Fox News have been informed of bomb threats at their respective headquarters. Both are in lockdown; the two networks have lost communication with each other.

CNN's head of security was just confirmed killed. CNN is waiting for help and soon will receive the demands of the terrorists. Many reporters have already been taken hostage.

FOX and CNN in State of Panic

Fox and CNN agree on one thing: We are in trouble


Not only has a mysterious package been placed in the building, but our head of security has been killed. In addition, we have reason to believe hostages have been taken and demands will be made.


CNN is currently in a lockdown and most connections to the outside world have been severed.


No one in, no one out. Bombs, murders, kidnappings. The press needs help.

Threats to Media

CNN has just received a bomb threat to FOX news station from North Korea. We have reason to believe the threat is due to reporting of the North Korean bombing of the North Australian coast.


We have not yet received word from FOX, but a source of CNN has given we at CNN reason to believe that CNN is also in danger.

CNN's Advertisement Tests Well with All Audiences

CNN recently released their first advertisement just this afternoon.  So far, this video has tested well with virtually all audiences.  Thank you to Best Delegate for the feature on their website.

-CNN Wire Staff

CNN Public Response to Julian Assange's bail

Wikileaks Founder, Julian Assange, at his court proceeding

The role of a journalist is to seek truth and make it available to the public. Julian Assange dedicates his career to uncovering truth by unearthing corruption. Also, basic democratic principles state that anyone accused of a crime should be given the right to post bail and defend themselves. For these reasons, CNN chose to post Wikileaks founder Julian Assange’s bail and never had any intention of covering up our decision to do so.

Full disclosure of the facts is essential to successful journalism, and we at CNN urge our competitors to follow suit.

Wikileaks works to eliminate transparency in the political and business world. Since transparency is such a quintessential part of journalism ethics , we support Julian Assange's attempts to unearth truth on illicit or corrupt corporate dealings.

Ethical and accurate journalism has, is and always will be the prime focus of CNN. We hope to continue our track record as the worldwide leader in news.


-CNN Wire Staff


 The official response by our board of directors can be seen below.