This morning, US Press Secretary Lance Jacobson IV provided an update on the situation in Mexico. He reported that President Obama was still scuba diving when the incident occurred, and assured the American citizens that President Obama is known for his "lung capacity and Constitutional nuances." Later, hoewever, he sadly declared that "he is more than likely dead."
Jacobson said that the CIA have investigated India, Pakistan, and South Korea, but all three have denied any action.
When asked about the status of international aid to the victims in Cozumel, Jacobson firmly stated that the United States is still "peeved" about the murder of the Mexican border guards and said that he does "not believe that international aid will be coming any time soon."
Sasha Obama was also present at the Jacobson interview. With tearful eyes, her only question was, "Where is my daddy?"
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